A Love Letter to the New York Jets

Dear members of the New York Jets organization and all of her fans,

I just wanted to take a moment to congratulate you.  I mean really, take a minute and pat yourselves on the backs.  Hell, take a week.  Or a few months (you've got a lot of time now, since your 2010-11 campaign is over).  I mean, you've taken all season patting yourselves on the backs already, so what's a little more time spent doing it really?  You all need to soak this in.

I had some semblance of respect towards you going into this season, I really did.  I didn't watch Hard Knocks on HBO this past summer where you all hyped yourselves up to no end, so I just thought of you as another good AFC East team.  Really, I had a much greater disliking of the Miami Dolphins than I did you, though I certainly respected your organizations equally.  In this age of pro-football parity, I like being in a division that represents all of the good that can come from it.  Three playoff contenders guaranteed, like the AL East in baseball, without any of the crap parity (see this year's AFC and NFC Wests).  It makes for a great football season.

But as the season drew on, I began to see you for what you were.  You're just a lot of noise.  The premiere defender holding out because of ego, and then you caving into his demands.  Then another player getting a DUI.  Then the foot porn thing.  Then being a-holes for a week leading up to the game of the season everyone was waiting for, creating the media-hyped "war of words," though clearly it was one directional and all of us having to suffer through it.  Sure you backed it up that game, and you beat my Patriots fair and square.  Good job.

But you're so classless in doing so.  And then all of these bandwagon Jets fans coming out of the woodwork to root for you.  People I've never seen talking shit before talking SO MUCH shit.  And you know why?  Because of your noise, because you act like it's okay to be douchebags, that it's okay to have no class.  Then you have real turds like this guy (I can't believe he's actually a professional writer) writing about how everyone should root for you because you're loudmouth showoffs that aren't good guys.  America needs more of you, he said, that you were role models for kids today.  What a joke.



And then you get beat today by the Steelers.  And nearly everyone outside of those people in New York who jumped on your bandwagon because 1) the Giants were out of it already and 2) pitchers and catchers don't report for the Yanks for another three weeks, were hoping you would because you guys are assholes.  You need to realize something, okay?  It takes a whole lot of douchebaggery on your part to be playing a team with a player who has repeatedly admitted to taking cheap shots at other players and another who was indited for rape, and for you TO STILL BE CONSIDERED THE ASSHOLES.

But now it's all over.  And I want you to really take the time to reflect on your season.  About the AFC East title you didn't win.  And the AFC Championship you just lost.  And the Super Bowl you've been saying for the past 5 months that you were going to be in that will be played in two weeks without you.  You earned yourself a spot right next to my Patriots as just another team who didn't make it to The Show.  And you've gotten exactly what you deserved this season.

Oh yeah baby, "1X"



Nothing.

Well, maybe some amateur foot fetish porn to remember the season by on YouTube.  But for almost all of you, I'm pretty sure that's still nothing.

At least you can go to sleep knowing you made sure someone out there in the world didn't get the nothing you did out of this season.

See you next time, jerks.